Some of us look for the way in opium and some in god, some of us in whisky and some in love. it is all the same way and it leads nowither.

So what are you meant to do?
I read, write, smoke. Try not to drink. avoid all coke.
I try to be good but end up a bigger bastard.
wrapped up neatly with my fingers covered in blue plasters where the cardboard has cut me.
Course I could use the box cutter to cut boxes.

I should've left when the dancing started. But i was full of cheap champagne I got at the middle age bar. The women were women and not girls. Still I'm a boy and not a proper bloke. The music was Muzak and not music. And bunny girl costumes that droop at the saggy bottom of a divorcee called Hayley cause me to well nearly expel all the previous.

We met up with some girls in a horrible watering hole. All the boys with no hair and shirts that don't fit even slightly bawl at birds with breasts stuck on the table top. The barman pours the pint directly down their tops for prospective wife beaters to gulp out.

"this place is cheap, this place is cheap, this place is virtually free, they have to render the sweat off the ceiling to break even"

Why is this a positive. Would you buy food if it were rotten but virtually free? I slip out past the bouncer and suck on a straight cigarette in the busy street with the pavement all garishly lit up by the orange girls. Some one of them follows me from the dank corners. Cadges a cigarette and stares and spits at me. Attempt some discourse but it simply upsets her. Remember this is what normal people are like an sit back an smile at her.

After all how often do you meet someone who smiles back when you smile and doesn't grimace. Or when you say fuckin hell I liked that song it had echoes of the unicorns and even though I don't like folk it really meant something to me. They turn and shrug.

Still it'd be Orrible to die miserable and syphllitic. Might as well have a giggle even if you are the bitterest of fruit. important to ask the proper questions I reckon

Does cutlery have to be put a specific way up in the drying rack? Do people have to eat? Does money spontaneously collect? Are vegetarians horrible and vegans actively evil? Does the landlord have a proper case? Will I get fired if I make a mistake?

The English have a unique way of expressing themselves. In a complex scenario where they are crippled by their own sense of disconnection and disappointment in themselves they go mental at those who don't know the correct method of placing spoons in a drying rack.
Alas.
alack.
Lobotomy patients have it fairly easy. Just like the vast majority. All you have to do is input and out comes excrement with out any fuss. All blood babies jizz piss and phlegm is freely given. Without a moments thought or hyperactive social controller breaking in on any inconvenient thought. to Operate without the frontal lobe. to sit and shit and not give a damn. To loll about an laugh an shout incoherently and endlessly until sedated.

Smoking with aforesaid was considered sacrilege but the drinkers. Being university thinkers not much past previous escapades considered censoring my conversation. Which is improbable and impossible. Perhaps I should have some consideration was the considered conversation that echoed in my ears and leant over my shoulder while she spat lustily on the promenade.

Adventures into the unknown end up excitingly with a battered sausage and quick sing a long in the taxi along to transformers. Each and every street on which I stagger I bump into a previous memory of bumping into someone there which was embarrassing. Once when I was younger I would be harassed by memories of previous aforesaid moments and spasm with a paroxysm of red faced freezing fear.

Easy to switch off now and disengage when control freaks out freak me. The lazy clubs were empty despite the night being Friday. I had the feeling everyone in the world was somewhere else and I was missing out. Not being invited to real life is a real down. Still in my faux universe the music pumped spasmodically and arrhythmic ally . To dance pick a foot and move onto tip toes. Now never move it in physical space. Rather pivot around and up and down and stick out all the bits that should and suck in all those that don't. To dance with a girl make sure you're behind. She can't see you dancing so it ain't embarrassing.

If you can't dance offer her a cigarette outside. There's nothing much more obvious.